I Love Thurman Merman

Some people watch classic, heart-warming Christmas movies and crank up, “I want a hippopotamus for Christmas,” while baking cookies and putting up the tree. I do that too, minus the hippopotamus song, which makes me want to stick knitting needles in my ears, but I also like the funny Christmas movies like Elf, Bad Santa, and National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.

The quotes from Bad Santa are a gift all year. The movie is pretty vulgar though, so if bad language offends you, it would not be a good choice for you. I can’t help myself though–it makes me laugh. Laughing makes me happy, and really, isn’t that what Christmas is all about?

No? It’s about Jesus, you say? I know, I know. I write, think and pray about God, religion, and Christianity all the time, but I want this blog to be light-hearted for now, and my writing on that subject is not generally light. I like to think JC knows my heart though, and has a good sense of humor as well. Maybe he even loves this kid like I do.


Call me sentimental, but I tear up every time Thurman kicks those bullying kids in the berries. I want to squish him in a big hug, high-five him, and bring him home to live with me forever. I love all his questions, I love that he wants to make sandwiches for everyone–I just love this kid.

Baby girl got some shots yesterday and is delirious with fever and no sleep, so today’s post will be Bad Santa quotes that we use around here all year.

Permission to stay in our comfy pants all day and try to find this movie on demand? Permission granted.

Here’s my Bad Santa highlight reel:

Kid:  “Want me to fix you some sandwiches?”

Willie: “What is it with you and sandwiches?”

Kid: “How much lettuce do you want?”

Willie: I don’t know, the usual amount, whatever people do, whatever you think.”

Willie: “Is Granny Spry?”

Willie: “Your name is Thurman Merman?”

Kid: “I wished for a purple elephant, but now I want a pink elephant!”

Kid: “Now I don’t want an elephant at all. I want a gorilla named Davy for beating up the skateboard kids who pull on my underwear. And he can take his orders from the talking walnut, so it won’t be my bad thing.”

Willie: “What is it with you, anyway? Somebody drop you on your head? Kid:  On *my* head? Willie:   Well, yeah. What, are they gonna drop you on somebody else’s head? Kid:  How can they drop me onto my own head? Willie:  No, not *onto* your… Would…damn it! Are you f__ing with me?”

Kid: “I think someone messed with my Advent calendar”
Willie: “No one messed with it. What’s wrong with you?” Kid: “This one has a… candy corn in it.” Willie: “Well they can’t all be winners.”

Kid: “Good night, Santa. Good night, Mrs. Santa’s sister.”

Kid: “It’s a wooden pickle.”

Kid: “Because you went to the bathroom on mommy’s dishes?”

Enjoy and let the Christmas spirit move you. Towards the mall, perhaps. Or to pick up some Wonder bread. I’m suddenly in the mood for sandwiches.

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10 thoughts on “I Love Thurman Merman

  1. You had mentioned this post recently, and I’m so glad that I remembered to check it out, cause I really enjoyed it! :-)
    Thanks also for being kind hearted enough to give me a “like” for my most recent post – I have a feeling that a few of my other female readers may not be as kind. Oh well…
    Happy Easter to you and yours, and thanks for all the times your writing has made me smile and laugh.

    • Glad you enjoyed it, this movie makes me laugh so much.
      I actually did like that post–this is going to sound weird, but you already know that, so…the way you write about women is cool to me because it is honest about how men look at pretty women, and how they react. Your respect for females is obvious in your writing, you are honest about appreciating outward appearance while still valuing intelligence, and when you write about your wife, I hope for a love that will grow to be that strong in my own marriage.
      Keep up the good work!

      • Thanks Rachelle. Thanks very much, because everything you’ve written here is true, and I’m very grateful as well as impressed that you really do understand me in this respect. Some women get it, but others don’t…

        You are about the same age now, as I was when I first met my current wife (My 1st marriage a 5 yr long failed disaster) so I’m betting that chances are very good that God willing, in 24 years or so, you and your husband will have all that my wife and I have, and more.

        Thanks again Rachelle; I’m genuinely moved.

  2. I love Bad Santa, it is very difficult to talk about JC. I am struggling with the part of me that wants to go there and the Bad Santa that is telling me, ” NO DON’T DO IT”. Have a great day!

  3. I just watched this movie for the billionth time in my life.
    I used to watch the 24 hour marathon of A Christmas Story but now there’s a 24 hour Marathon of Bad Santa and well…. Billy Bob is just a tad hotter than Ralphie haha….
    Long live Bad Santa !!!

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