Worst Bowling Alley Name. Ever.

Picture this.

You are rolling through a random neighborhood and pass the street sign that reminds you every time you go by it to trim up the landscape or book that waxing appointment.

I know it’s a golf reference. Join me in the mind gutter for a moment.

You turn on to the interstate; maybe you’re going to Target to pick up some sunscreen knowing you will come out with $200 worth of stuff you never intended to buy. Or maybe you are just running an errand and trying to think of something to do for date night, and you remember how much you used to love bowling.

Maybe your small town had Rock N’ Bowl nights where they turned on black lights and played loud music while everyone snuck in vodka-spiked Sonic Slushies and threw some balls around in rented, stinky shoes. Since there was nothing else to do other than drive around in that town going from Sonic to McDonald’s in a big loop (the drag), maybe you got to be a pretty decent bowler your senior year before you turned 18 and could go to the two “clubs” in town. But only if you had a buzz, because you had never actually been bowling unassisted by alcohol.

Have you ever noticed when you learn how to do something while drinking, you have to re-adjust everything when you try to do it again without alcohol, and you usually never get as good at it as you were (or thought you were) in your partying days?

That’s the Drunk Curve.

It applies to shooting pool, throwing washers and horseshoes, and talking to people at parties and in other social situations (at least in my case).

Maybe while you are busy remembering your high school bowling days, you pass this bowling alley and piss yourself laughing.

I can’t believe this place closed down. Everyone loved the come bowl.

Again, you’ll have to join me in the mind gutter, but who names a bowling alley the Come Bowl?

I understand what they meant; it is an invitation and directive to come bowl in this fine establishment, but in the filthy, not-so-proud recesses of my mind, this whole strip is instantly converted to Dirty Town. The entrepreneur in me would open strip club next door named Gutter Sluts. Farther down the access road, a gas station/convenience store chain that I’ve only seen in Oklahoma would open a branch filled with their not-so-subtle sexual innuendo.

So, so wrong Kum & Go. Who are you people? credit: wikipedia.org

Perhaps it was unintentionally, suggestive business naming on the owner’s part, but if you’re going to print a Come Bowl sign, you might as well go all the way with it and name it the Cum Bowl.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I’m publishing this anyway.

Hope you get a laugh out of it.

I know I did.

Any other suggestions for this imaginary block of Dirty Town?

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36 thoughts on “Worst Bowling Alley Name. Ever.

  1. Too bad the town name wasn’t Climax. There are a few towns with that name spread across the Midwest states. I’ve also seen Kum & Go’s in the Midwest, but I don’t believe we have that genius-named store in Ohio. That was really the best moniker they could come up with? Really?

    Thanks for another great laugh. :)

  2. Hilarious! Yesterday I discovered Tig ol’ Bitties”, and it actually took me a while to figure out why that sounded so familiar… And yet elusive. Just another espresso drive thru joint, but a new one. They didn’t try very hard to disguise the intent. My 17 year old daughter is pretty savvy and jaded and didn’t even crack a smile. There are SO many coffee and espresso shops/stands/cafes here in the Northwest that everyone’s going for the unique angle, including Bikini Brew- where scantily clad , cute young things are serving. Imagine steam burns on your belly, and the fact that we get maybe 3 months here ( not yet, even though it’s June) where you can actually wear a bikini and not be freezing. Ridiculous pandering and blatant hiring discrimination, since there are no guys and no plus sizes – certainly no grandmas either. I can’t think of any dirty signs at the moment , but there is Lung Fung, a Chinese restaurant that I will never eat at, as I am convinced they either serve Lung ( of cow? Nutria?) or that I will somehow contract a lung fungus at the door .

    • LOL @ “Tig ol’ Bitties” Now that is really clever! The last time I was in the Seattle area, I couldn’t believe my eyes when while driving, I saw “The Expresso & Hot Dogs Diner” Now I’m a coffee and expresso lover, but is this combination really a good idea??? I would think you’d need a cast iron stomach!

      A while back, I read a newspaper article about “Bikini Brew” or maybe another place in Seattle with the same business model as what you described. But this place got into trouble, because they got caught selling more than just expresso and coffee in the back room. I guess they decided to take the exploitation of their bikini clad employees to a far worse extreme, and that’s not funny; it’s pathetic.

    • Tig Ol’ Bitties, wow! We have a lot of those Bikini places too but they are mostly food places. Bikini’s, Twin Peaks, Bone Daddy’s, and of course the usual Hooters. But I can’t say we have any coffee shops where they serve in swimwear. That does sound very dangerous! I would steer clear of Lung Fung and the Splash and Dash as well! Hilrious! Thanks for commenting!

  3. Cum on really? Grow up. Stop jerking me off with this nonsense. Tit for tat, this is not a big deal. These buildings can erect whatever name they want for their place, without somebody snickering behind their backsides. It’s hard. So very, very hard…so very hard to be original nowadays. You just need to stick it in you and be an adult about this.

    I need a nap now.

  4. HA!!! I remember in the small town I grew up in a Do It Center came into town – home improvement store. I remember being in High School and the group of girls I hung around with made up all sorts of things for this store that had us busting out in giggles:) Have a Great Day!

    • All I can think of with that is the scene in 40 Year Old Virgin where the girl says, “Do you like to Do It Yourself?” Do It Center needs to be in Dirty Town.

  5. I’m laughing so hard from your post and these ^^ comments!! I have a permanent residence in the gutter! When I see things like the signs, I instantly turn in to an adolescent boy (although I’m very much a 40 yr old woman!) with the laughing and snickering!

    Thanks for posting! I loved it!!!

    • Glad you liked it! I am the same way…my mind immediately goes to the gutter, and I think signs like this are hilarious. And I agree, the commenters have made this post so much funnier!

  6. Delighted to join you in the mind gutter, since I’m a frequent visitor in there anyway, and I’m really enjoying your company, since this post is very funny! :-D

    Bowling was also a frequent high school age activity for me and my friends. In fact, we were still bowling in our early 20s, and often had serious money bet on the outcome, so some of those bowling matches got pretty intense.

    The Come Bowl sign is amusing, and the gutter ball double meaning inevitable, but I was far more surprised by “Kum & Go” in Oklahoma. I didn’t think they’d tolerate that sort of thing there in public, except that maybe using a “K” instead of a “C” was just enough to go right to the edge, but not fall off it. It’s hard to believe that the down and dirty double meaning wasn’t intentional, but I guess that anything is possible.

    Before we lived where we are now, my wife and I often had breakfast on Saturday mornings at our favorite diner, and directly across the street was a big sign. It was “The W House of Pizza & Laundromat”. For real.

    This was a frequent source of amusement for us, and as our morning coffee kicked in, we would make up advertising for it. Like “The W House of PIzza & Laundromat – where a man can enjoy a delicious pizza, get his fleshly appetites satisfied, and even get his clothes clean while he’s having fun getting dirty! So cummon guys! Come on over to The W House of Pizza & Laundromat! We know what you want, we know what you need, and we’ve got it! The W House of Pizza & Laundromat – where the best pizza in town is always hot, the women are even hotter, and the sheets are always clean!” LOL :-D

    • Yeah, the Kum & Go is funnier than the Come Bowl for sure, if only because of the spelling. There are too many ball and pin jokes with bowling for me to not make this association immediately though.
      The W House, huh? That is awesome, and I like your slogan for it. Clean sheets are a must in the W houses. Especially if they have pizza dust :)

  7. We had a kum and go! there was a gas station I stopped at solely for a souvenir called Quik ‘N EZ I feel like we should design and build this innuendo town …but what would we call it.. Also – is gutter sluts hiring by chance?;-)

  8. I went to college where we had a Hussey Lounge. And Kum N Gos are definitely in CO. I think I’ve only filled up at one once, though, in a moment of desperation… I can’t bring myself to patronize a place by that name.

    • Hussey Lounge is funny :) I’ve stopped there on road trips, just because it always makes me laugh in that, that is so gross kind of way.

  9. The timing of your post is too funny – this weekend I’m going to Saturday night rock’n’bowl for the first time in years. My hometown’s alley is unhilariously and practically named Westside Bowl. Where’s the fun in that? There is a convenience store in my hometown that everyone calls Cheap Smokes, which makes me think a good dirty name for a mini golf course would be Cheap Strokes.

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