How About STFU Everyone?

I saw an article on Huffington Post yesterday about parenting overshares on Facebook. It led me to this blog called STFU Parents, and the blog is pretty funny, but it’s based on pretty harsh criticism of parent status updates to Facebook from an anonymous 30-year-old woman with no children.

I laughed at the article, especially since I have written status updates about most of the things on her list, and have probably blogged about all of them (loud people ruining nap time, bodily fluids, being pregnant, poop floaters in the pool or bathtub, and vomit).

credit: newlikes.com

The longer Facebook is around, the more people will criticize everything that people post there.

Why?

Because no one really cares yet we’re all annoyingly obsessed with our own lives and the lives of others. I think Facebook will eventually suffer the same fate as MySpace, and people will take the contact information of the handful of people they actually want to keep in touch with and call it done.

In the meantime, here are some arbitrary rules that make Facebook a little less fun for me.

  1. Don’t use a picture of your child as your profile picture: I did for almost a year, the same photo that is at the top of this blog. I will if I want to, my kid and my dog are cuter than me.
  2. Don’t have a joint Facebook account with your spouse or significant other: Facebook is probably responsible for more cheating today than any other website. Trust is important in a relationship, but the fact that you’ve opened your life up to everyone in your past makes any relationship vulnerable. My husband has the soundest argument for not joining Facebook that I’ve ever heard. “If I wanted to be in touch with all those people, I would be. My past is my past for a reason.” And the people said, “Amen.” If couples create joint accounts to safeguard their marriages and relationships, back the hell off of them and stop judging. Maybe it’s co-dependent, yucky couple behavior, or maybe it is just a smart decision for their relationship.
  3. Don’t talk about your kids too much or post too many pictures of them: For some of my family, Facebook is the only place they will ever see my child. I will post as many pictures as I want to until I get bored with Facebook and stop.
  4. Don’t post pictures of your food: Fine. I’ll just eat it. Maybe I’ll tell you about it, maybe I won’t. I probably won’t unless I’m making sliders and singing Backslider by the Toadies. If it makes me laugh, or I’m bored driving, you’ll probably see some random Facebook posts from me. Maybe even about what I eat or what my daughter has puked up in the backseat. Unfriend me if it annoys you. That doesn’t hurt my feelings.
  5. Don’t post song lyrics, quotes, or scripture: I will if I feel like it. Every time I hear the front porch song by REK, I want to post, “Give ‘em something to talk about on their way to Luby’s.” It’s kind of my summation of every status update on Facebook. It’s just something for everyone to talk about, laugh at, or make judgements about. Isn’t that half the appeal of it?

I’m not sure what my point is today. I just get sick of it more and more lately, and I think the best way for me to approach it these days is, “If you don’t have something funny to say, don’t say anything at all.” And, “LOOK, I love my kid!!!”

Children and puppy haters, please unfriend me.

I do think that the majority of people on Facebook have decent filters and can determine what is and is not appropriate to share, but who among us has not been guilty of the occasional overshare?

Here’s my own list of STF Up People:

  1. STFU Overzealous Pro-Lifer: Everyone has an opinion on abortion. Especially Christian, white men who have never, and will never personally experience an unplanned pregnancy in their own uterus. I get that you are appalled by it, but I really don’t want to see your dead baby posts every day. Thankfully, I can filter you when you won’t filter yourself.
  2. STFU People Who Can’t Write a Complete Sentence: An actual status update from someone who graduated from the same high school that I did, “good night fb goin to bed my back hurt real bad just pray i can get up move in moning cuz four babies tomm omg help lord can do it hopeful can tho cuz wher getting thing movin to… So nightnite.” When I read words put together like this, my mind shouts, “Oh Sweet Jesus, I seen it all, y’all.” And then I point an imaginary gun at my redneck past and town, and fire. Spell check bled all over this quote. I’m leaving it for your amusement.
  3. STFU I Only Post Cat Pictures with Funny Captions People: Enough of that.
  4. STFU Only Posting Ecard People: Enough of that too. Unless it’s funny. And then I’ll probably like it. Ecards are hilarious. Die trend, die!
  5. STFU Everyone: Maybe we should just all STFU? Except for Chris DeVoss. He makes me laugh every day on Facebook. And maybe Le Clown. I liked his page yesterday, and you should too. If you’re awesome on WordPress, and don’t post dead babies on Facebook, let’s be friends. Unless that’s weird and we’re not there yet.

Anyone else on Facebook you’d like to ask to shut up?

Do any other parents feel like they can’t post about their children as much as they might like to?

Your Facebook is yours, post whatever you want to there–who cares? Or delete it and STFU.

I’m considering option 2.

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36 thoughts on “How About STFU Everyone?

  1. Agree times a million. Even before I had kids, I understood that a lot of people used FB to keep family updated and if I didn’t want to read their kid posts I could just *gasp* SCROLL PAST THEM! We live in the era of fake outrage. People aren’t content unless they’re getting all riled up about stupid shit. My husband and I have a joint FB, and I love it. It’s so much easier, and it means we spend way less time on it because we just don’t care. It exists for family and close friends, and that’s about it. Honestly, were it not for keeping family that lives far away updated, we’d consider option 2 as well. FB just gets dumber every day.

    • The era of fake outrage. I like it, and it is so true. It has its advantages and disadvantages, and I have reconnected with people I always wondered about and am happy to be back in touch with, but I agree. It gets dumber and dumber every day.

    • I don’t blame you. Not necessarily rules, just things people criticize. It’s funny how it has managed to revert me to a paranoid state where I worry about posting something uncool, instead of posting whatever I feel like posting as long as it isn’t vulgar, offensive, or hurtful to someone.

  2. Everything about this post is perfect. So, so agree. I am completely sick of Facebook and the only reason I use it now is to keep in touch with, tops, 10 people who are just as interested in hearing from me as I am from them and to socialize with other bloggers (which reminds me that I need to “like” your blog.) The FB backlash is well underway and it’s going to be MySpace in 5 years.

    For some reason you have not been turning up in my WordPress feed, and I’m guessing it’s because you changed your URL; I did the same and kept all my subscribers and yet they’re not getting updates. Anyhoo, I just resubscribed and it looks like I’m back in! I was a little worried because I was afraid you had stopped posting!

    • I just resubscribed to yours too. I was still reading your posts from Twitter, but they were not showing up in my reader either. Then again, the reader has been all kinds of wonky for awhile now anyway.
      I have a FB page, but I rarely post anything there, so no worries if you don’t hit like my page. Some of my favorite friends on FB now are the people I have met right here on WP, and eventually talking to bloggers will probably be my main use for FB as well.

  3. YEAH!!! How About STFU Everyone?!?! I’m sure on board with that one!!!

    Now I’m going to read your post and comment… I just really liked the title and I was having a very spontaneous moment. Lol

  4. I opted out of Facebook by closing my account a few years ago. acebook provides an industry of funny commentary. I follow one WordPress blog dedicated to the most retarded output coming out of Facebook, which makes my day.

    • There is no shortage of people and behavior to make fun of there. Thanks for commenting. I always enjoy looking at the crazy things people will post there.

  5. Anyone else on Facebook I’d like to ask to shut up? Mark Zuckerberg would easily be my first choice. Why? Cause he’s obsessed with thinking of new and creative ways to third party FB user personal info with anyone, anywhere in the world, including identity thieves and other cyber-criminals, as well as sexual perverts and predators.

    But other than that, hey, I’m cool with your list of arbitrary “Don’ts” becoming “Ah, go aheads” Cause I like you, and I’m biased… Lol (kidding!)

    And your list of STF Up People? Overzealous Pro-Lifers would be right up near the top of my list too.

    I also hate PDIs! (Public Displays of Illiteracy)

    Yeah, the cat picture/caption thing is WAY overdone. People should start posting pics of Naked Mole Rats instead, like I do.

    Guilty of the occasional overshare? Who, ME? NEVER!!! Lol :-D

    And with that, I will now tell myself to just STFU!!!

    • Yeah, he has been providing new and easy ways for people to find us hasn’t he? I feel a little bad about picking on the PDI here. I honestly can’t tell if this person is using text shorthand, can’t spell, and can’t punctuate, or just won’t. If they can’t, and are in fact borderline illiterate, it makes me sad that they slipped through the cracks of our small town education system. If it’s laziness, it really bothers me.

      • I feel the same way – if someone is illiterate because they never had the chance to learn, then yes, that is sad. But if they are willfully illiterate because of laziness, or even worse, because they think it’s cool… then I have no patience for it.

  6. This is so funny, so true. I rarely post a status, but when I do, I second guess myself all the time. “Jesus, Jayme, does anyone give a rat’s patootie about [insert one of my kid's names here]‘s funny antic?” Taking your succint advice, I guess I can just post it and rock the no comments/no likes vibe if need be. I’m a big girl, I can handle it.

    • Haha! I think a lot of people do care what our kids do. The others don’t have to read it. I second guess myself too, but I’m at a point where I’m tired of worrying about what might be uncool to some cynical, critical people.

  7. I have 33 FB friends — all real family and friends. I “like” one page—a cousin’s band page. I’ll kick and scream if an agent someday says I have to have a “fan” page. Blogging suits me well for interacting with a broader public. If FB disappeared, I don’t think I’d miss it.

  8. Hi — B. from STFU, Parents here! I got an Alert to this post and just wanted to add that the site is not meant to be hateful or mean-spirited so much as showcase the silly, gross, and sanctimonious culture of parents oversharing on social media. I only highlight the extreme stuff, not updates about a toddler taking his first steps or something inherently good-natured like that. And yes, obviously plenty of people should “STFU,” not just parents. My site focuses on parents, but I am not a hater of parents and kids. I love children, actually! I’d love to kids in the next few years (just not yet ;).

    I just wanted to pop in to say thanks for checking out the blog and mention those things — have a good day!

    • I didn’t think it was mean spirited at all–I laughed at the things you highlight and at myself for being guilty of so many of them (although hopefully not to the extreme where something I post would be submitted to your site).
      I actually bookmarked your blog because I do think it is very funny.
      If I came across as critical of you or the blog I apologize, that was not my intent at all, and I appreciate you stopping by here. My intent was more to say I’m tired of FB altogether and I’m about ready to STFU there. Keep up the funny! I can always appreciate that.
      When you do have children someday, I hope you will laugh again, because if FB is still around, you might find yourself facing an irresistible urge to post a kid vomit status. Resist! Haha!

      • No, I didn’t think you were too critical; I just wanted to make the intentions behind the blog clearer since it’s not always easy to know after a cursory initial visit. Thanks for bookmarking it, and I definitely don’t plan on sharing any vomit photos, even after having kids. I’m pretty private/non-sharey already (I hardly ever post on Facebook, maybe once every few months), but after running the site I consider it a personal obligation! :)

    • I can tell! y’all have made it more fun for me for sure so thank you again for that.
      I think it can be fun if you treat it the way you and your friends do and not take it too seriously.

  9. Rachelle,
    Like Christopher, I only follow funny people, and pretty. I just like to look at pretty pictures, with no caption, cause that’s too much effort.
    Le Clown

  10. Fabulous list.
    With the election looming, I had to delete a few people that just could not let it go. I get it people you think that america is coming to an end. Enough already.

    • Thanks! Oh yeah, I forgot the political ranters. It always amazes me that things that people tend to avoid in normal conversation are fair game on FB. I guess everyone just really wants to talk about them without face-to-face repercussions of voicing a strong opinion. Wait, that may be what I do on this blog too :) Damn internet!

  11. I’m an extremely rage-filled woman and usually annoying things send me down an anger spiral. However, all the bat-sh*t crazy things that people post on Facebook amuses me (and only sometimes makes me wish for the Apocalypse to put us all out of our collective misery). I’m totally guilty of posting a picture of every damn thing I cook, bake or eat but at least I have good grammar ;)

    • LOL, I get in the anger spiral a lot myself. Facebook definitely still amuses me, and I really do think you can put whatever you want to there. It is a book of your own life and thoughts after all :) High five for good grammar in your status updates.

  12. I read your Strawberry Cake post because you were Freshly Pressed (congratulations!) and thought “nice, let me explore her blog a little more”. Then I got to this post and thought ‘I’m a follower!” I really like your irreverent humor – thank you!

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