Just Make the Coffee the Night Before

The sound of coffee brewing is really comforting to me.

It’s all good smells, burps and gurgles, and fulfilled promises.

See how the light hits it and makes you feel warm and fuzzy?

If Folgers isn’t the best part of waking up, then morning breath mixed with Folgers to form a rancid, tan-colored, adult scum on your tongue is, because there is no best part of waking up.

Get a tongue scraper, Josie. That’s gross.

When I was a kid, I hated hot drinks. Hot apple cider, hot coffee, hot chocolate, hot tea, all of them. I was the weirdo at the ski lodge dumping ice into these drinks, and waiting for my soup to be at room temperature so I didn’t burn my mouth.

But I drink coffee now.

Every day.

My grandmother used to put a pot of coffee on a tv tray beside her bed every night, and it would start brewing before the sun even came up. I can remember the smell of it, the sound of it percolating, and then the sounds of her pouring a cup and sipping it in bed.

She used to murmur to herself, take a sip, then exhale a satisfied, “Ahhhh” after every drink.

I can vividly picture myself adopting this same habit and bringing the coffeemaker into my room when I’m old. I’ll be the granny who can’t even be bothered to put in my teeth or leave the bed before I have my first cup. I’ll slurp and say ahhh after every sip just to be annoying.

Assuming I can remember who I am at that point, I will probably curse every morning I have to drag my old ass out of bed, then shrug and be happy that I still have my dragon breath to keep people away from me in the morning.

That’s quite a golden retirement you have planned for yourself. I assume it will be set in Florida, and you’ll play bridge and watch Cocoon a lot?

No, I have no idea how to play bridge. I just imagine I’ll be a grumpy, morning hating, elderly woman because people don’t change. And I’ll probably ask and answer my own questions because my husband will have turned off his hearing aids to avoid listening to me. Of course he’ll yell at me to quit mumbling or to speak up, and then wave a morning boner at me every day and tell me to talk into the microphone like I don’t know he turned the hearing aids off on purpose, and I assume morning wood jokes never die.

“Honey, you want some coffee?”

“Toffee? It’s too early for toffee, and it pulls my dentures out. You know that. Did you make the coffee?”

“I said coffee you old…nevermind. Yes, I made the coffee.”

“Fine, I’ll have toffee…quit nagging me, for the love of God. Did you notice this tent I pitched? It’s nice, right? I didn’t even take the blue one. Just for you, sweet cheeks! I know how much you miss camping.”

Come on, Folgers. Make that commercial.

1/3 cup grounds is probably not the correct ratio to any amount of water. I don’t use a full scoop, but that is my official coffee ground scooper.

Apparently, you don’t have to be that old to start rambling tangents. Back to my point.

Even though I know it would make my morning start a little easier, I always forget to make the coffee the night before. My coffee maker even has an alarm so I could set it to start brewing before I even wake up, but I don’t do that.

I’m like the pack a day smoker who buys ‘grits one pack at a time every morning on the way to work and refuses to buy a carton because I think that’s too much commitment to the habit, and tomorrow could be the day I quit (‘grits=cigarettes, long story).

Maybe I won’t need four cups of coffee to feel human tomorrow.

Of course you will, silly.

This inevitably leads to an awkward dance between my husband and I in the morning where he’s standing next to the sink taking his vitamins and assorted pills before leaving for work, and I’m standing behind him tapping my foot, and resisting the urge to tell him to hurry up so I can get my damn caffeine before the baby wakes up.

Every morning I think, “Just make the coffee the night before. How hard is that?”

And every night I forget.

When I was younger, I never really understood adult fascination with coffee, and I used to roll my eyes at people who claimed that no one should talk to them before their first cup, but like so many other things I used to judge before I tried them, I get it now.

Coffee.

It’s good.

Here are some promises that coffee never fails to fulfill:

  1. I promise to make your morning suck a little less every day.
  2. I promise to stain your teeth and make your breath smell like an old boot. After you have a kid, I promise, you will not care.
  3. I promise I’m better than Activia when you’re feeling, “Not so regular.”
  4. I promise to always remind you to read more. Thanks B&N and Starbucks.
  5. I promise to make you judge people who go to Starbucks every day, but don’t own a coffee maker.
  6. I promise some day, you will run water through the same coffee grounds for a second pot, just like your mom does.
  7. I promise some day you will learn the correct ratio of coffee grounds to water.
  8. I promise some day your house will smell of vinegar after you google how to de-scale your coffee maker. The grossness of the word de-scale will not hinder your coffee consumption at all.
  9. I promise, some day you will make me after a heavy meal and it won’t seem like an old person thing to do. You will need me so you don’t fall immediately into a food coma. You will also start to believe that giving me to drunk people will really help them sober up.
  10. I promise that some day, you will find yourself in a spa with my grounds pressed to your upper thighs, praying that I really can cure cellulite, and wishing you were drinking a cup instead.
  11. I promise, some day you will accept your habit, and make me the night before.

If you’re still with me after this over-written, over-stated tribute to coffee, thanks!

Feel free to add your own promises if you are a coffee junkie too.

Am I the only one who continually forgets to make it the night before?

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33 thoughts on “Just Make the Coffee the Night Before

  1. Oh I’m right there with you! I’m a junkie, too. The smell and sound of it is terribly comforting. Even if I don’t drink the whole cup, I love to make it. I have been converted to Keurig makers. It eliminates the whole need for making it the night before. Turn it on when you get up in the morning, by the time you finish peeing, it’s ready for that first cup of goodness.

    In the summer I make iced coffee :)

  2. Amen!! I wanted to send you a picture in return, but can’t seem to do that here. I hated coffee with the exception of the very sweet mocha concoctions until- you guessed it- 3 days after my first daughter was born. That was 18 tears ago and I never looked back.

    • It’s funny how kids can do that you! I could take it or leave it before mine was born and rarely made it at home. And since then, I’ve not looked back either.

  3. No you are not! I too all hail to the coffe gods/goddess (no offense anyone) .Hot coffee in the summer can cool you down.

  4. Are you the only one who continually forgets to make your coffee the night before? Well HELL NO you’re not, cause I continually forget to make MY coffee the night before too! Along with some other dysfunctional caffeinds here, I’m sure… I just haven’t read their comments yet – but I know they’re here, and you are NOT alone.

    Rachelle, I loved this post! It may become an instant classic for me. Cause you were just killing me with the dialogue between the elderly married couple, with all the Coffee/Toffee confusion, intentionally turned off hearing aids, and eternal boners and boner jokes. LOL :-D And aside from that, there is just sooo much I can identify with here, as you ticked off a coffee check list from your experience that is so close to my own. And I BELIEVE in ALL those promises, because I am a living (until further notice) witness to having experienced the fulfillment of ALL those promises!!! And somebody say AMEN!

    Just so much to love and to laugh at here… And never forget… while it may be true that in wine there is truth (not really convinced) in coffee there is Life, and what good is truth without life? Yes, I know that in coffee there is Life – an overcaffeinated and chaotic life at times, but I can deal with that kind of life, and be grateful too – Cause I know that I’d surely die without my coffee… and DEATH BEFORE DECAF!!!

    This comment brought to you by a Starbucks Big Ass Venti Bold Triple Expresso Shot Black Eye… and I aint lyin’ and I think you believe me! LOL :-D
    Again, just brilliantly funny Rachelle! Just brilliant and Bravo!!!

    • LOL, well thank you for the support! I think your Starbucks choice would keep me up for days, but I hear you build a tolerance as you go :) I’m happy you enjoyed it, and appreciate your comments as always. Coffee gives me new life every morning, and no one wants to hear the truth I sometimes find in my wine glass.

      • Uhm… well, sometimes my Starbucks choice keeps me up for days too, and that can be a problem. Insomnia is an ongoing issue for me, and sometimes the only way I’ll get any sleep, is to finally force myself to throttle back on the caffeine, and then I feel worn out and irritable for a couple days.

        Until I get one or two good nights of sleep, and then I’m ready to Rock ‘n Roll again full strength, until the cycle eventually repeats itself.

        I think the only tolerance I’ve built up is the ability to actually enjoy massive amounts of caffeine, that would make the average person feel like they were on the verge of crawling out of their skin, with all their nerve endings so hypersensitive that any sensory input at all would feel like an unbearable sensory overload, resulting in either a near panic attack or an explosion of anger at the slightest provocation.

        How do I know? Because many years ago at work, there was that one day when they asked me to make… the coffee!!! Muahahahaha!!!

        Damage report for that day was two people who had to go home sick, one guy who heaved all over the men’s room, numerous arguments that quickly turned into loud and intensely angry shouting matches, one fist fight, and one guy who got fired cause he suddenly couldn’t hold back from telling the boss to go eff himself.

        I may have also been indirectly responsible for the initiation of a divorce, but the facts have always been very unclear on that one, so I’m not really sure.

        Me? I never felt better… Except that at least 5 people suddenly hated me, and wanted to kill me for what I did to them by making the coffee. That kinda put a crimp in my buzz… but still not enough to completely kill it.

        I worked there for eight years, and that was the one and only day that they ever asked me to make the coffee… After that day, per order of the owner of the company, I was strictly forbidden from EVER making the coffee ever again, or be subject to immediate termination.

        Note: The events in this story may be somewhat exaggerated due to the very high levels of caffeination experienced by the author, while writing it.

        However, much of what is described reasonably close to the truth, and the Boss edict prohibiting me from ever making the coffee ever again or be subject to immediate termination, is absolutely true, because it was put in writing on company letterhead and I think I still have that letter somewhere, since I’ve kept it as a souvenir… Lol :-)

        So Rachelle… if through some twist of fate, you ever find yourself headed up to greater Boston, just let me know, and we’ll arrange to get together for… coffee!!!

      • This explains so much! Are you sure you didn’t put something else in the coffee that morning? In any case, that is a very good way of getting out of making the coffee, a chore that I don’t mind until there are men (or women) standing around picking their butts waiting for the receptionist to make it because they have no idea how to make it themselves.
        I will definitely make it a point to invite you for coffee if I’m ever in Boston again. You should find that letter (or recreate it) because this seems like a highly entertaining blog post idea :)

      • Oh good, I’m glad that you liked it – I was a little concerned that you might have thought that my story was a little too mean spirited. Kinda like that guy I’ve been so critical of lately… Hmm.. what’s his name? Oh yeah, Daniel Tosh. Lol :-)

        Here’s funny thing: Before I wrote my post about Tosh, I watched his stand up act on YouTube vids for over two hours, cause I wanted to get a true sense of his material and how he performs it.

        But now… a few times in the last couple days, I’ve been starting to write humor that is somewhat similar to his… like my poisoning my place of employment with a massive overdose of coffee story here. Have to admit, later on when I reread it, it made me feel a little bit hypocritical…

        But if ya ever do make it up to Boston, we’re on for coffee, and I’ll let you order or make your own. Lol :-)

      • Nah I thought it was funny. I haven’t really seen you be mean spirited at all, although watching too much of DT can bring that out in anyone.
        It’s kind of what I liked about some of his more intelligent observations. He makes me cringe, and laugh, and feel like a shitty person for laughing at some of the things he says but it always makes me react in some way. He’s mean, but sometimes that makes me think about things more. And then I want to ask his Mom why she didn’t hug him more :)
        The more I post opinions, jokes, and stories online the more I realize that the only way to avoid sounding like a hypocrite sometimes is to never have an opinion about anything.
        Rest assured, I do not think you are mean spirited or a hypocrite at all-you are one of the funniest and most supportive bloggers on here, and not just on my blog :)

      • Well I can be mean, but I really try not to be, because I just get far more pleasure myself, from making people happy. And yeah, maybe I did watch too much of DT, cause a little bit of his style was starting to rub off on me.

        But that’s not all that unusual for me, because I’ve watched other comics on YouTube for two hours at a time, and soon I was acting a little bit like those comics as well. I don’t mean doing the same jokes, but just thinking in a similarly humorous way, in the direction that their minds travel.

        But now when I watched Sarah Silverman for over two hours, I did NOT find myself acting like her, cause that would be kinda weird, and vaguely disturbing to me. Cause I just don’t want to bleep Matt Damon or Jimmy Fallon! Lol :-) And I sure hope you’ve seen a certain song and dance number that Sarah and Matt Damon did together, so you’ll know what the hell I’m talking about! LOL

        So okay, here’s another truth revealed about the over two hours I spent watching Daniel Tosh… The guy was starting to grow on me… There was one DT video that stopped abruptly, and like an automatic knee jerk reaction, I was disappointed, which was very surprising to me. But there was no denying it happened, and the more I think about it, the more I’m willing to give him more credit for a higher level of comic intelligence, than I did on my blog post.

        But on the other hand, he did some jokes that I’d just never even remotely consider doing, and that I’d never laugh at because instead of humor I can only feel a sense of heartbreak and tragedy. Like joking about how he’d be happy if a football player on a team playing against DT’s home team, broke his neck and became a quadriplegic.

        It was a long time ago, but I remember watching a Patriots game in 1978 in which that actually happened, when Darryl Stingley got hit hard, crumpled to the ground and couldn’t move. They had to strap him into a rolling gurney to get him off the field, and Stingley ended up spending the rest of his life in a wheelchair as a quadriplegic. It’s not funny; it’s a terrible tragedy.

        And as you mentioned, when you saw him in Austin, he did some 9/11 jokes. Again, I know I’ll never be able to find any humor in what happened on that day.

        Lol @ you saying “I want to ask his Mom why she didn’t hug him more” Funny, but it also makes me wonder if this might be one of those truths that lie in jest, but I don’t know anything about his family or his upbringing.

        Well, enough on that, and thanks for cutting me some slack on what I said about how I was feeling a little bit hypocritical.

        And thanks for thinking I’m funny, since it’s one of my favorite compliments, and since I like to share, well I think you are very funny too, and I’m not just saying that, because you are very funny, and I’ve thought so many times while reading your posts. :-)

        Supportive? I try to be when I can, and I know that you do too. Cause hey, we’re all in this blogging thing together, and in either direct or indirect ways, we all help each other here. We bring each other companionship, laughter and fun, encouragement, and we support each other’s efforts as writers.

        Have a nice evening Rachelle, and thanks for your support. I genuinely do appreciate it.

      • We have a Tassimo, which was around before the Kuerig, but without all the high profile coffees. Now, thanks to the damn Kuerig dominating the market, it’s very hard to find Tassimo pods. In any event, whenever I do buy them, my husband moves too slowly on them and I usually have four to his one, so he gets a bit pissy when we therefore run out. Thanks to your post, I proudly set up the coffee the night before, because tomorrow is a five a.m. day, unless I decide to go to the gym at 5, which would mean getting up at 4:30. Um, forget that noise. Nahhh. I’ll just pop in a DVD and wake everyone with Latin music booming from the surround sound as I Brazil my Butt. Heh! We also have a French press, but it’s small and that annoys me. The biggest issue with setting up the programmable Mr. C. Is getting the a.m./p.m. right. One more time of the coffee starting to brew as I sit at the dinner table wondering why I smell breakfast… One last thing. Don’t ya hate it when the paper filter gets folded down and the coffee maker proceeds to blurp grounds and coffee all over the counter? Priceless anytime but a great thrill when left unsupervised as you sleep to purge itself completely. Chris , you are hilarious , by the way!

      • I think the pods are why I have avoided the Kuerig so far. Buying them would be another to-do on my list, and then we’d be pod people! Hahaha! Too funny on the am/pm setting, I have no doubt I would get that wrong a few times too. The paper filter fold is awful as well. Hope your day is going well. 5 am is an awful time to start the day!!

  5. I almost don’t dare admit it, but I can’t stand coffee. I just could never acquire a taste for it though I certainly tried. Makes me gag. And my husband goes to get his from Starbucks every morning (yeah, he’s one of those people). All of this is really a nightmare for our guests, because my coffee pot is 23 years old. I suppose on visitors’ behalf, I should get a new one some day. :)

      • Okay, you know I had to Google Keurig. But that looks great. Perfect for company. I’m surprised my family hasn’t bought me a new coffee pot for Christmas after all these years of putting up with my 23-year-old wedding gift one. :)

    • Not everyone does, and there is nothing wrong with that. Haha, and I only judge the Starbucks people a little because I’m too cheap to go there every day. If it wasn’t so expensive, and if I didn’t have to have the highest calorie drink on their menu, I probably would get their coffee every day. As long as the 23 year old coffee pot still works, I think you’ve covered it. Before I had one, my parents would get up and go to the gas station to get theirs. It’s only since I’ve been drinking it that I realized how inconvenient that must have been for them.

  6. Just piggy backing on the Keurig thing. I would only drink coffee from places out…ie restaurants, 7/11, Starbucks…until the Keurig.

    It also makes hot coco, energy drinks, cider, iced coffee, and love. :)

    • Hahaha, I could use a cup of love every morning. That sounds gross when I read it back. You know what I mean…I need to stop reading Twitter.

    • Uh oh, don’t tell me because I’m too cheap to buy organic as you can see from my store brand coffee can :) Even though I will look into the Keurig after all these comments, it will probably be too expensive for me too. :) Damn hippies ruin everything! LOL

  7. I have never been a big fan of going to Starbucks, but I do like their little instant cylinders…I know, I know I am missing the brew smell, which I also affectionately associate with my grandma, who LOVED, LOVED, LOVED her coffee. In fact she “seasoned” her percolater and my dad said you never ever should wash her coffee pot, just rinse it out…that’s seasoning. Back to my Starbucks (i’m kinda old 62 (x-hippie), so forgive my rambling), it keeps me from having to wait more than a minute for that punch I so need. Just boil the water in the microwave (or you can boil it in an electric or stovetop kettle) and add your powdered coffee…much better than brewed Starbucks and, to me, it tastes just like Krueig coffee we have at the office! Loved all these posts.

    • I “season” my coffee maker too, but I think eventually I will have to descale it. But if it’s good for the cast iron skillet, it’s probably okay for the percolater. Starbucks makes great coffee and coffee accessories. Thanks for commenting today, and I’m happy you enjoyed some of the posts.

  8. Never drank coffee before but after i spent 2 years studying in italy i became a coffee addicted. Its psychological maybe but i will never wake up if i don’t have my cup of coffee in the morning. and oh lets face it- the movies and music videos made it look fancy to drink it all the time) never make it the night before though!! how will u get a driving u crazy smell when u drink it??

  9. Get the K-Cup machine. You can rationalize that the price out over the first week – it will change your life.
    PS We have the “eko” basket thing that my husband uses to “pack his own” – me… way too lazy – just gotta get the “drip” into me ASAP.
    AND make sure you invest in the one that holds a bit of water ( like enough to do a few cups before refill) not the stupid cheap version that you fill each time you want a cup.
    did I mention hot apple cider, tea, sweet tea brewed over and ice filled cup, and much much more???

      • if you order through Kuerig online and get the free shipping, use the coupons etc y- you can get down to under 50cents a cup – if you use the ekobrew thing and “pack your own’ than you just use the same coffe at the same cost you normally pay.

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