I was browsing in Ulta the other day. It’s a beauty product supply store, and I like to peruse their hair care lines, and pretend that I style my hair every day instead of pulling it up in a pony tail.
I walked through the perfume section because it was the same day I posted Smelly Memories, and I was trying to remember more.
Research, you see?
An Artist’s Date even. (Julia Cameron? Anyone? No? The Vein of Gold was one of the first books about writing and creativity I ever read).
I came across a new scent that disturbed me:
Why? Why is this a thing?
And I cried for my niece who might already own this perfume or want to purchase it in the future. This will probably be one of her embarrassing tween memories, like NKOTB is for me.
What does Justin Bieber’s Girlfriend smell like?
- Scotch tape and the glossy pages of Teen Beat covered in practice kiss saliva?
- A future episode of “Child Stars, Where are They Now?”
- Really bad lyrics?
- Selena Gomez’s panties? Ewww.
- “Crayons mixed with Bubblegum?”
- Juicy Fruit and Bonne Belle lip smackers?
Next to Bieber’s Girlfriend there was another celebrity scent:
You can smell like “black fluid” too.
I guess you can bottle 15 minutes.
My daughter and I went to have some lunch after we left Ulta.
Her coloring sheet gave me a heart attack and made me question my ability to read a calendar. Good job on the recycle though–the trees thank you. This didn’t make me cry, it made me laugh, so I threw it in today:
Father of the year right here. Why does the baby have a black eye? I’m calling social services. Don’t punch your baby.
I googled Father’s Day just to make sure I wasn’t losing my mind.
We returned home, and I was looking through iTunes, thinking about buying some new music. I flipped to the classical music genre.
Bad idea:
This f*cking book. That goddamned tie.
Yes, Fifty Shades of E.L. James’s wallet is raking in some more well deserved cash with a classical album.
I researched this a little bit. Apparently she writes to classical music. Some of these tracks were her inspiration for writing about the red room of pain and buttplugs.
“Christian likes classical music.”
So did the abusive husband in Sleeping With the Enemy. He didn’t get his own rapey album desecrating the art of classical music.
Her notable quote in reference to this album was, “It’s music to f*ck to. We all want that.”
Classy.
My brain cells weep.
People are buying this shit.
Not ironically.
That’s why you should never shop in the Maul or at a trendy store – or look at anything at all involved with pop culture. It will only lower your IQ and make you want to buy Justin Bieber’s Girlfriend…or her stench (which I’m guessing smells like Lady Gaga’s meat panties sprayed with bonne belle lip gloss laying on a Teen Beat (off) magazine held together with scotch tape and bubble gum (mango mint).
Hahaha! Meat panties…gag! You are so right about not shopping at trendy stores or looking at pop culture, although without it, I wouldn’t have been able to crap out this post. Your comment is cracking me up though. Perfect!
How have I never heard the term “practice saliva” before?
There is a small chance that I made it up on the spot, but more likely because you may have never practiced kissing on a picture of a pop star as a young girl
I guess the pre-teen boy equivalent has something to do with socks and long showers?
So happy I’m a girl. Practice saliva seems much better than socks and long showers. I’m not going to shower tonight just because.
Ha, yeah something like that.
Haha! Sorry, I don’t really know why I went there.
I cry with you
Thank you. I hate crying alone.
I’m pretty sure “Justin Bieber having his own fragrance brand” was the seventh sign of the Apocalypse. The rest is just a bonus.
I agree with that. Gaga bonus plagues for everyone.
I think the rest is “boner” not “bonus” – or maybe “anus” not “bonus”
Justin Beiber AND Fifty Shades in one day? I am so sorry. We should all go cry for the world.
It was traumatic.
Is that father supposed to be in a Karate suit, and if so, is that implying how the baby got the black eye? Talk about disturbing!
As for the “Fifty Shades” author, I wonder at what point the money pouring in counteracts all the negative attacks. What’s the tipping point? Surely she’s passed it by now. I think I’m one of the last few humans who hasn’t read those books.
I haven’t read it either and don’t intend to. I’m glad that the “few” of us can find each other.
Glad to hear it.
I have no idea what dad is wearing there. I was thinking a butcher’s apron, but yes, a very creepy picture. I’m sure she got over the criticism after the first paycheck. I’m pretty sure I would be immune to the critics by now, although they get more and more creative at every turn.
Consider yourself lucky. Even by porn standards, they are terrible.
Never have and never will.
Yeah! Another rebel to add to the ranks.
I feel your pain.
Thank you!
Justin Bieber perfume. Because tweens aren’t tragic enough.
Seriously. I also had some Debbie Gibson Electric Youth perfume. But even that seems preferrable to a perfume called The Bieb’s Girlfriend.
Of course there was Debbie Gibson perfume – how did I miss that? (I had both her CDs). But Justin Bieber? I’m pretty sure he’s Le Clown’s fault entirely. He looks like a 12 year old. How is that hot? Selena, wtf?
Tragic and stenchy
Sad that I find your New Kids memories much less disturbing than the rest of this.
An no, I am not writing the first comment that occurred to me after reading this.
Hahaha! I’d be curious to hear what occurred to you first.
11 year old’s aren’t known for discerning taste in music, but NKOTB…wow. They were…not good.
The first thing I thought of (which I still won’t fully type) would probably have gotten me barred after my first comment, but it involved Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, 50 shades and some gender-reversals.
Yup. I’ll show myself out.
Haha! No need to show yourself out, that made me snort and I like the creativity.
We’re going to get along just fine.
That’s Fifty Shades of Disgusting. I weep for the Universe.
I’m with you. Universe tears were shed.
I share your pain. I worry about the IQ dopping power of so much of today’s world. Even commercials leave me wondering how many IQ points I’ve lost in 15 seconds.
I agree. We are assaulted at every turn.
Oh how I love your posts.
Thank you!!
I guess it proves every generation must have its “WTF were we thinking?” memories.
This is true.
I had one of these moments when a group of girls were punished for the night club esque outfits they wore to school tuesday. Their response, they did not think anything was wrong with an outfit that you can see their lady bits in when they walk up stairs, or sit down, or move at all.
Ooof. That makes me sad. For their thinking on the matter, and that they were allowed out in outfits that displayed their lady bits.
Rachelle,
I will re-baptise my comments: Off-Topic Le Clown. On to my comment… Is it just me or each time I drop by, there are more commenters and more likes? Not that it’s a bad thing!! Congrats…
L’Éric
Eric,
Always a pleasure to have you stop by, off topic or not. It’s tempting to attribute the increase in likes and comments to the improvement of my writing and/or subject matter, but a quick look around will show you that combining our internet fame and joining your blog contest was probably more beneficial to me than it was to you. So thank you again for helping me get off the wall and become more social here in the WP community, and for introducing me to some lovely new people. Curtsey to your blogging greatness.
Rachelle
Oh FUCK. Just fuck. (head/desk, head/desk, head/desk)
Exactly my reaction.