Some Things That Made My Brain Cells Cry

I was browsing in Ulta the other day. It’s a beauty product supply store, and I like to peruse their hair care lines, and pretend that I style my hair every day instead of pulling it up in a pony tail.

I walked through the perfume section because it was the same day I posted Smelly Memories, and I was trying to remember more.

Research, you see?

An Artist’s Date even. (Julia Cameron? Anyone? No? The Vein of Gold was one of the first books about writing and creativity I ever read).

I came across a new scent that disturbed me:

Why? Why is this a thing?

And I cried for my niece who might already own this perfume or want to purchase it in the future. This will probably be one of her embarrassing tween memories, like NKOTB is for me.

What does Justin Bieber’s Girlfriend smell like?

  • Scotch tape and the glossy pages of Teen Beat covered in practice kiss saliva?
  • A future episode of “Child Stars, Where are They Now?”
  • Really bad lyrics?
  • Selena Gomez’s panties? Ewww.
  • “Crayons mixed with Bubblegum?”
  • Juicy Fruit and Bonne Belle lip smackers?

Next to Bieber’s Girlfriend there was another celebrity scent:

You can smell like “black fluid” too.

I guess you can bottle 15 minutes.

My daughter and I went to have some lunch after we left Ulta.

Her coloring sheet gave me a heart attack and made me question my ability to read a calendar. Good job on the recycle though–the trees thank you. This didn’t make me cry, it made me laugh, so I threw it in today:

Father of the year right here. Why does the baby have a black eye? I’m calling social services. Don’t punch your baby.

I googled Father’s Day just to make sure I wasn’t losing my mind.

We returned home, and I was looking through iTunes, thinking about buying some new music. I flipped to the classical music genre.

Bad idea:

This f*cking book. That goddamned tie.

Yes, Fifty Shades of E.L. James’s wallet is raking in some more well deserved cash with a classical album.

I researched this a little bit. Apparently she writes to classical music. Some of these tracks were her inspiration for writing about the red room of pain and buttplugs.

“Christian likes classical music.”

So did the abusive husband in Sleeping With the Enemy. He didn’t get his own rapey album desecrating the art of classical music.

Her notable quote in reference to this album was, “It’s music to f*ck to. We all want that.”


My brain cells weep.

People are buying this shit.

Not ironically.

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44 thoughts on “Some Things That Made My Brain Cells Cry

  1. That’s why you should never shop in the Maul or at a trendy store – or look at anything at all involved with pop culture. It will only lower your IQ and make you want to buy Justin Bieber’s Girlfriend…or her stench (which I’m guessing smells like Lady Gaga’s meat panties sprayed with bonne belle lip gloss laying on a Teen Beat (off) magazine held together with scotch tape and bubble gum (mango mint).

    • Hahaha! Meat panties…gag! You are so right about not shopping at trendy stores or looking at pop culture, although without it, I wouldn’t have been able to crap out this post. Your comment is cracking me up though. Perfect!

  2. I’m pretty sure “Justin Bieber having his own fragrance brand” was the seventh sign of the Apocalypse. The rest is just a bonus.

  3. Is that father supposed to be in a Karate suit, and if so, is that implying how the baby got the black eye? Talk about disturbing!

    As for the “Fifty Shades” author, I wonder at what point the money pouring in counteracts all the negative attacks. What’s the tipping point? Surely she’s passed it by now. I think I’m one of the last few humans who hasn’t read those books.

    • Hahaha! I’d be curious to hear what occurred to you first.
      11 year old’s aren’t known for discerning taste in music, but NKOTB…wow. They were…not good.

      • The first thing I thought of (which I still won’t fully type) would probably have gotten me barred after my first comment, but it involved Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, 50 shades and some gender-reversals.

        Yup. I’ll show myself out.

  4. I had one of these moments when a group of girls were punished for the night club esque outfits they wore to school tuesday. Their response, they did not think anything was wrong with an outfit that you can see their lady bits in when they walk up stairs, or sit down, or move at all.

  5. Rachelle,
    I will re-baptise my comments: Off-Topic Le Clown. On to my comment… Is it just me or each time I drop by, there are more commenters and more likes? Not that it’s a bad thing!! Congrats…

    • Eric,
      Always a pleasure to have you stop by, off topic or not. It’s tempting to attribute the increase in likes and comments to the improvement of my writing and/or subject matter, but a quick look around will show you that combining our internet fame and joining your blog contest was probably more beneficial to me than it was to you. So thank you again for helping me get off the wall and become more social here in the WP community, and for introducing me to some lovely new people. Curtsey to your blogging greatness.

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