When Shauna asked me to contribute a post for the topic death and grieving on her new blog page, The Taboo Tab, I agreed immediately thinking it would be an easy post to write.
It wasn’t.
I struggled.
I tried to cram almost four years worth of emotion into 1000 words and it shows.
If you’ve lost someone close to you, and have thought, “I’ll write about that some day…”
If you know the look that Caitlin Corbett describes here:
“So I don’t talk about it. Because I know that if I do, I’ll see that look. That look that says:
“Oh. Are you still not over that?”
One part bafflement, two parts boredom, a dash of pity and awkward all over. That look kills me. Because I’m not over it. I never will be. How could I be? And yet, in every way I am pressured to pretend that I am.”
If you are looking for an honest discussion about grief, or a place to connect with people who understand what you’ve felt and are probably still feeling no matter how much time has passed, then I encourage you to check out this powerful collection of posts.
Thank you again for the opportunity, Shauna. I’m humbled and moved by what I’ve read here today.
Excellent topic. Love that quote. It’s so true. Grieving is a process that often never ends. It’s so individual. The idea that people could want you to “get over it” so that you can go back to being the happy person you were before, is really so selfish and insensitive. It shows such a lack of understanding.
Thanks Lisa! I agree, it does show a lack of understanding. Often it’s our own perception too–no one likes to feel like a downer, so I think so many people stop talking about it before they are ready to stop talking about it. Then the struggle continues internally…
Great Post on a topic that is a process and different for each individual! Thanks for sharing this little nugget. Happy Friday:)
Thanks for stopping by! Happy Friday
Hopefully I will have some happier posts next week!
Silly question: which post is yours on The Taboo Tab?
Not silly at all. Mine is one titled I Was Not Prepared, although I’m almost embarrassed to admit that with the quality of the posts that surround mine
I thought it was excellent.
Thank you!
Here’s a funny thing about death: For those who have been touched by it, it’s like being fans of the same sports team or ex-pats together in a foreign country. We feel an immediate kinship for each other, because we know that though we may be strangers we have shared all the same struggles.
It has been such a relief for me to read the other contributor’s pieces on Shauna’s Taboo Tab. It’s a beautiful (if bittersweet) feeling to know that you are not alone.
I especially wanted to reach out to you and tell you that you nailed it in your essay “I Was Not Prepared.” As I read it, I wanted to reach through the internet and hold your hand because…I get it. It was like reading the inside of my heart. My father also died of a long illness, and though I had eight months to prepare for it, it still took me completely by surprise (already?). And I was also the youngest child and fled into my role during ‘funeral week’, completely checking out of the proceedings because I was too broken to think and make all those bloody decisions (The idea that the first thing a grieving family has to do is plan a grandiose event like a funeral is a very sick societal joke).
Anyway, if I were to go through each and every “Hell yes, sister” moment I had while reading your post, I would just copy and paste the whole thing. I just wanted to say, that although I don’t know you, I get you. We’ve traveled the same roads and we speak the same language. You’re not alone and neither am I. It’s kind of beautiful in a sad way.
Sending you hugs.
-Caitlin Corbett
That’s really a great way to describe the immediate kinship you feel with someone who understands the loss, especially when they have recently experienced it. It’s the club that you never wanted to be a part of.
It was a relief to read through the essays for me too. Yours in particular felt like a roadmap of everything I experienced and you write with clarity and grace that really impressed me. I had a similar habit of checking out from time to time to collect myself and regroup, and I have a lot of guilt surrounding that as well. I wasn’t in the room when my dad passed either, and although I was standing outside with other family when it actually happened, I berated myself for months for being too weak to stand in there and watch that moment.
Anyway, we could probably talk for days about it. We do speak the same language and your writing really touched my heart.
I appreciate your message here more than I can say, and I’m returning your hugs this morning.
Thank you again for reaching out to me.
Rachelle
I can’t believe this is taboo. Of course it is but really, why? Brave of you to conquer this. Beautifully done.
I know…it shouldn’t be taboo. Thanks for your support though, it means a lot.
You’re amazing! I’m so grateful for the response to this, both from the writers and readers. Thank you again for your story!
It was a powerful debut, and I am happy and grateful to have been a part of it. Thank YOU!
Thanks so much for sharing this part of yourself. It’s never easy losing a loved one. From personal experience, not a day goes by that I don’t think of my loss but at the same time (and I know this sounds strange) I am grateful; for those who came out of the wood work to support me (even strangers), for the effect the experience has had on me in terms of finding joy again (there was a time I had given up) and the appreciation I have for being blessed to experience the time I had. Life is truly amazing. You did a great job of expressing yourself.
Thank you. There are many, many lessons to be learned while going through it, and I have gratitude for the experience as well, so I don’t think that sounds strange at all. It can be hard to see the blessings while you are in the middle of it, but I definitely had similar experiences to what you’ve described. Thanks so much for checking it out and for your support!