You know the drinking game Quarters?
I’m pretty sure I’ve never successfully bounced a quarter into a cup on purpose and in my twenties that game was usually just the, “Make Rachelle drink until she pukes game”; however this morning, as I was getting ready, I went to put my wedding rings on.
I grabbed them from the counter where I’d carefully placed them the night before (far away from the sink and drain because I’ve lost plenty of jewelry that way too) to give my daughter a bath. Before I could even register that I was about to ruin my morning with clumsy, my wedding band flew out of my hand, hit the tile of the bathroom floor, bounced once, and magically disappeared into another fucking dimension.
It’s not a big bathroom and I have been over every inch of the tile with my hands, a Swiffer, and flashlight.
My ring has vanished.
The only possibility I can see is that it bounced perfectly into the corner and into this hole between the cabinet and the baseboard, which is so stupid and statistically unlikely, I can’t even believe it is an option.
After about thirty minutes of violent cursing, a mangled wire hanger, and a chopstick shoved back into this hole, just trying to confirm with a clink (I didn’t get a clink) that this in fact where my wedding band disappeared to, I called my husband in tears.
He laughed, and reassured me that we’d find it when he gets home tonight.
I hope he’s right because I am sick right now imagining that I’ve lost one of the few pieces of jewelry I actually wear and that has real meaning to me.
I need to get out of my house before I rip this cabinet apart with my bare hands or Hulk smash the drywall looking for The Borrowers who have stolen my Precious.
All I can say is that if it did bounce behind here, it was a once in a lifetime shit shot.