Shit That Seems to Happen Only to Me

You know the drinking game Quarters?

I’m pretty sure I’ve never successfully bounced a quarter into a cup on purpose and in my twenties that game was usually just the, “Make Rachelle drink until she pukes game”; however this morning, as I was getting ready, I went to put my wedding rings on.

I grabbed them from the counter where I’d carefully placed them the night before (far away from the sink and drain because I’ve lost plenty of jewelry that way too) to give my daughter a bath. Before I could even register that I was about to ruin my morning with clumsy, my wedding band flew out of my hand, hit the tile of the bathroom floor, bounced once, and magically disappeared into another fucking dimension.

It’s not a big bathroom and I have been over every inch of the tile with my hands, a Swiffer, and flashlight.

My ring has vanished.

The only possibility I can see is that it bounced perfectly into the corner and into this hole between the cabinet and the baseboard, which is so stupid and statistically unlikely, I can’t even believe it is an option.

What in the actual fuck?

What in the actual fuck?

After about thirty minutes of violent cursing, a mangled wire hanger, and a chopstick shoved back into this hole, just trying to confirm with a clink (I didn’t get a clink) that this in fact where my wedding band disappeared to, I called my husband in tears.

He laughed, and reassured me that we’d find it when he gets home tonight.

I hope he’s right because I am sick right now imagining that I’ve lost one of the few pieces of jewelry I actually wear and that has real meaning to me.

I need to get out of my house before I rip this cabinet apart with my bare hands or Hulk smash the drywall looking for The Borrowers who have stolen my Precious.

All I can say is that if it did bounce behind here, it was a once in a lifetime shit shot.

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54 thoughts on “Shit That Seems to Happen Only to Me

    • No kidding, Guap. I think the saying goes, if it weren’t for bad luck…I’d have no luck at all?
      I’m holding on to hope, however unlikely, that it did fly into this hole somehow. Thanks for the encouragement!

  1. We must be related somehow : ) I once found my wedding rings in the freezer. Yes, the freezer. The result of getting ready on the go. Rush, rush, rush. At least you have a small area to cover in looking for yours : ) If I could find mine, having to re-trace my steps inside, go through the trash, look outside, and on and on; you should definitely be able to find yours. Try not to stress. Read this. Maybe it will cheer you up.

  2. Happy ending, please. You deserve a freaking happy ending! I’m with the lottery ticket people. It will show up. And in these rotten, crap moments (ruined wedding photos, lost the first lock of hair and the first tooth he tucked under the pillow) comfort yourself with the thought: I still have the husband, I still have the husband. (And it sounded like he was really good about it. Bonus!) There may be a saint to pray to over this? Call your religious friends and put those people on it. Good luck!

    • I will get my MIL on the saint of randomly lost things! (No wait, then I’d have to tell her I lost it? Aghhh!!!) I hope that it will turn up, and you’re right. The marriage is more important. He was really understanding, and if it is back in this wormhole, I know he will find it for me tonight. Sigh…but I really hope I don’t add this one to my list of lost things today.

    • I am getting progressively more obsessive about rechecking the floors every five minutes and becoming more likely to take out a wall with a sledgehammer as the day progresses. Son of a…

      • Have you asked your daughter? (You do have a girl, right?) My kids were great at finding things lost on the floor. I guess because they were closer to it. They couldn’t find the keys they lost, but if I lost it and didn’t want them finding it, they would.

      • Yes, I have a girl. She helped me look, actually she still thinks it’s a game we’re playing and keeps going in there even after we found it. Kids are great at finding tiny things on the floors!

    • It is infuriating! It happens a lot with socks, toys, and other random things, but this is the first time it has happened right in front of my face.

  3. You can have mine. I’m not using it any more.

    Seriously, I’m sure you’ll find it. Some days just blow, and this appears to be one of them.

    If it makes you feel better, my car was broken into the other night and some jackass stole the faceplate to my radio.

    • Ha! Thanks, TD. I’m still hopeful that it will be behind the wall, but I guess we’ll see if I’m in the marriage doghouse after tonight.
      I’m so sorry that your car got broken into. That is such a terrible feeling. I hate jackasses.

      • Eh, it’s all good. I’m actually lucky all they took was the faceplate. Had they opened the trunk I’d have been fucked.

  4. I’m with Guap–time to buy a lottery ticket!

    I feel your pain, but thanks for spinning it into something so funny to read. Hopefully your husband can free the ring. Husbands are pretty good with stuff like that. :)

    • No doubt.
      I’m glad you got a laugh from it, as that was the point, and the only thing that is keeping me from crying right now. If it’s there he’ll find it for me, and if it’s not, I’m truly baffled.

  5. First off, I am so so sorry. I can only imagine how insane/anxious/angry/fearful/sad I would be. But, when I read your sentence about The Borrowers and my Precious, I almost peed a little from laughing so hard. And for that, I thank you!

    • It’s not a good feeling for sure. I’m going a little psycho still, and obsessively checking and rechecking for it.
      I’m glad you got a laugh from the post though! That’s what I was going for. :)

  6. That is quite a sucky– hopefully your Precious will turn up. :/ I have “dumb” luck like that myself where I can’t do the things I want to on purpose but if I don’t want to, odds are it will accidentally happen. If it is a wormhole to Azgard, as someone suggested, let me know. I could use a vacation with a handsome demigod.

  7. Wedding rings bounce like crazy, and end up in the most unlikely of places. My mom recently dropped her at work, searched for it forever, and ended up finding it hanging on a screw UNDER the seat of her work chair. Wedding rings are weird!

  8. Ack! I can almost see it happening! I had almost the exact same thing happen with an earring. I saw it fall off my nightstand and go somewhere under the bed (I thought) and it was then lost. Lots of searching to no avail, until DSB found it ON THE WINDOWSILL. There is hope!

  9. Well, I already know there’s an happy ending to this story. Thank God. That’s exactly what happened to my hamster. He disappeared into the woodworks. One minute he was there, the next, into another dimension. I never take my ring off, mostly because it’s so small on my finger. So happy you retrieved it!

  10. This would drive me absolutely insane and I definitely would have done something stupidly destructive in my rage like take a hammer to smash apart the wall and the cabinet (while my ring sat politely on the hallway floor). I am very impressed with your restraint.

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